I feel LESS lonely now than I did in my 5 year Relationship…
Some days I experienced grief laying in bed next to my beautiful wife, and sweet dog.
And it had nothing to do with Amanda Ranae or the beautiful community of friends we have.
I felt lonely from not being able to COMMUNICATE what was important to me with the people I WAS around.
It had nothing to do with the # of people I was around.
Not asking directly for what I needed and wanted was robbing me of vital joy and stillness.
That’s so much of what this move to Boulder has meant to me…
Many of us are stuck in chaotic patterns of stress, overwhelm and loneliness.
And it has nothing to do with our world, or the people in it, but rather our orientation TO the world.
It’s our fear of communicating clearly and directly for what we need.
Perhaps you were told covertly as a kid that you shouldn’t have needs.
As an adult you do whatever you can to get your needs met (key human drive) But you won’t go about it clearly and directly.
You do round-about things and make complicated agreements with other people, rather than clearly and directly asking for what you want.
The psychologist Robert Glover calls these “Covert Contracts”
If you want:
- To feel connected to people.
- Community and people who love you
- Where you feel so appreciated and adored by others.
1. Admit you need and want things.
2. And clearly communicate that you need/want them.
Be weird. Ask for what you want. You’ll find people usually want you to have them, because it’s refreshing to be around someone who knows what they like and want.
You’ll find people respect you even more for it. AND it takes pressure off of them to have to pick the restaurant for the 20th time in a row.
You deserve to feel ALIVE and connected.
If you’ve been feeling alone, shoot me a PM, I have a gift for you.