I’M TOO MUCH

I bawled in her arms for 45 minutes, with her continuing to tell me she wasn’t leaving…

That was this weekend…

With Amanda’s incredible support and presence, I bawled eyes out for at least 45 minutes. No. really. 45…

I had realized I’ve always felt like I am “TOO MUCH”.

For so many of us, we are fed this “syndrome” of “I’m not enough”…

Of “I don’t do enough, am not funny enough” etc…

But really when there’s sliver of space, and we don’t have to take care of anyone else’s needs or wants…for a moment where we’re supported to have ALL of us come out…

We experience all of ourselves. And we see that…

“I’m not enough” is the flip-side of the coin to…”I’m TOO MUCH”.

I have too many thoughts.
I have too many needs.
I have too many emotions.
I want too much.

And we feel that way because there hasn’t been ROOM for us, either because we didn’t create it, or have it created for us when we were young…

And we didn’t feel safe, trusting someone else with our wild and unclarifed emotions, without the fear of getting rejected or hurt in some way.

So what do we do?

We STUFF DOWN our too much-ness.

We fear it, because we’re afraid that if we bring it to the surface that it will be rejected just like it always was growing up…

Our too much-ness just seems to bring pain for others or us.

…And then, we stop hearing the signals…the murmurings of our souls…and we start to question ourselves…and begin not trusting ourselves, and our internal compass.

…and we’re never enough…because a piece of us isn’t THERE…so of course we’re not enough…

It’s like we got cut in HALF and the other half has gone missing…It would be pretty hard to feel like “enough” or make rational decisions if half your physical brain 🧠 and heart ❤️ were missing…

We need a solution to find ourselves, the other half of us that we’ve cut off to not be too much…I found it this weekend, with support who could could be present with me (Amanda), and…

Movement…I moved for 2 hours…(not necessary) to feel myself enough to receive that support from Amanda.

When we feel a piece of us is missing, the way to retrieve it, is to experience our FULLNESS. Our body as a whole. Both sides. Top and bottom. All of it.

We just want to feel connected.
To be seen and acknowledged.

We haven’t been able to feel that, enough to see that we are okay. That all of our feelings and fears are valid. That they are normal. That we are not “broken” for having them.

That’s why I created the Creative Warrior Collective. To be “Too Much” and “Not Enough”, and to be seen and acknowledged. And to take on full acceptance and ownership of our path.

You are enough, and you are not too much. You’re actually great just the way you are. THAT is what stops your greatness from coming out.

It’s yours. Let’s go get it.

Matthew

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